shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
