shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
