She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
