So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this just has baby written all over it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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