My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
