you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
