Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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