I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
