Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
