A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
