I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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