this beer tastes like vomit already
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
