His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
