Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
