You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
