my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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