if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
