So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
