I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
