Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
