My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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