either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
