$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
