Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
