You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
