fuck your aforementioned shoe
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
