We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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