Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
