I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
