So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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