He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
