During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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