You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
