FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
