Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
