Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
