...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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