I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize