At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
