I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
