Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
