I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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