I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
