Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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