was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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