hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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