one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
