you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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