mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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