You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
