a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
