Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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