you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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