Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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