i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
