Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
