Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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