I've blown a few things in my day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
