So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
