I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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