I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
