my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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