you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
