Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have fence marks all over my body
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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