Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
