It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
