I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
