he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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