he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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