the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
