Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk is not a location!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
