All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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