I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
