Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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