Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
