hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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