god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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