All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
