Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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