Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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