If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
