Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
