do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sober January is a disaster.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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