Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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