watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
